A Table On the Moon
I was sitting in my favorite coffee shop, my mind racing as usual, trying to slow it down by watching the female patrons with their funny little drink preference habits– some of them as long as the names of food ingredients on labels that most of us cannot even pronounce. I looked at the shoes the women are wearing, if they have on sandals I assessed how well they care for their feet, whether they have bunions from shoes too tight or if they’ve avoided the modern day version of foot binding. I looked at whether the second toe is dominant or not, which as I have read, also means a dominant personality! I looked at their calves if they are showing, to assess whether they are physically active or have no calf development, usually meaning they are not. I looked at how they were dressed, but I don’t care about fashion—just curious what different tastes these female coffee lovers have. I brought my journal along with plans of writing, but I couldn’t stop looking or watching the women parade in and out of the Café Boulevard. I love watching Women, anyway!!
I pretend I am on the Champs Elysees or on some busy street in Paris becoming a famous writer. And in my angst, which all writers must have to be good writers, don’t they, I decide that I am alone because of having just separated from my lover. I feel cynical and that relationships were never meant to last, yet, I am grateful for all the ones I have had, deciding I will love again, but not for awhile—all just to get me in the angst ridden writer mood!
I played with Facebook on my way to the story I’m working on–of course, the world’s newest diversion!
Concentrating now on getting closer to more writing…
I was saddened to hear about a terrible forest fire in one of my favorite towns of Manitou Springs, Colorado. I hurriedly called my friends who live near there to see if they were all right.
So here I am… what it all boils down to, is commitment. Am I committed enough to finish what I have started with my writing? I was journaling about this subject the other morning, realizing today that there are varying degrees of commitment and I want to keep my focus on the bigger ones, rather than the itsy bitsy ones.
Time is fleeting, or so I’ve heard, but I think I must’ve heard incorrectly, because it does not exist—it’s an illusion, isn’t it? At any point, the days, the sunrises, the moonrises come and go so quickly, I am feeling a little dizzy and sad, too, at the loss of one day after another—did I do enough, accomplish enough? Did I see enough or hear enough or feel enough? Did I think enough? More importantly, did I love enough? Did I send out supplications to the Universe for gratefulness, enough? And then the big question, how do I know what is enough?
I love sitting here in this café de Champs Elysees in Oregon! I feel sequestered and cozy in a way, because no one bothers me, especially since I look very engrossed in writing. People, it seems, are very polite in not bothering someone who looks like they are writing or studying and even though what I am writing seems of no significance, they do not know that. So I go on looking serious and pondering, while the women and men, but I’m only interested in the women, come and go in their various attires and different coffee drinks.
Humanity is a puzzler, excluding myself, cuz I pretty much know me, but all other humans are not like me. I do not feel alone in the world, but I am different—in my thinking, my believing and doing. It is nice and rare to find someone who gets me, who understands me, without trying to change me. And I do not care that I am this way, I am not an outcast—I am just me.
Though, I believe everyone else is my sister or brother and that we are all one under the Sun, I know we are all different and unique in our own ways, mostly. There are those who strive to follow the mass herd, but therein lies the rub—the puzzler, to me. I could go on and on about the psychology involved in why they are like that and following convention or the masses, but it’s been beaten to death. What distinguishes me, and this is not separation, from a lot of the rest is, I have been able to find my own place in what is commonly called a world of chaos, and that’s just it. I have learned that it isn’t chaos unless one thinks and acts and responds to it as chaos. I have also learned as of late, that we are all learning from one another, mostly because we are all standing in different spots on this earth, literally, and we all have a different perspective on what is going on around us. Neither one of us can have exactly the same perspective, because physically we cannot see what another sees, unless we could stand in one another’s shoes— “walk a mile in my moccasins”! So, to that end, we need one another, as independent as we want to believe we are, we truly are not. We may all be going in the same direction, but on a slightly different angle or degree and, therefore, have a different take on where we are going and how. Even if we are not going the same direction we will all be going to the same place, eventually, and along the way it is nice to know there are others who are sauntering down the path with a different view they can point out. Of course, I can either accept their viewpoint or not, but once it is in my mind, it is there, and I can perhaps use it to my benefit, adding it to my repertoire of information, or ignore it. This is what makes me different from the others sauntering, or running down the path. There are those who would rather ignore anything anyone says, thinking they are being independent and “no one is the boss of me” and learn in their own way, but really nothing is new under the Sun, so independence is an oxy-moron. We are all “in–dependence, if you will, because we need one another’s perspectives.
Then there is the Quantum Physics/Mechanics theory that we are all just cells arranged in the forms we are most able to comprehend and all the cells from everyone else who has died, whether positive or negative, are floating around in the atmosphere around us and become part of us. Well, we are all a part of one another, theory or not, and we need each other.
So, with that in mind,